I’m going to be completely honest with you: Star Wars Episode I was actually a great movie.
I don’t like telling people about this; not because I’m embarrassed, but because it makes me feel like I’m part of a secret club. Everyone who loves Episode I can relate.
If you can’t, then you’re not part of the club.
Sorry.
I have a solid theory backed up by awesome evidence of why I think it’s so great; and it has to do with a quality in myself that I have no control over, and never will: my age.
A Lesson From Barney Stinson and the Ewok Line
The legen…wait for it…dary Barney Stinson has a theory called the Ewok Line which states: anyone born before the year 1973 thinks Ewoks are stupid due to the fact that they were over the age of 10 years old when they first saw Return of the Jedi (ROTJ) and were introduced to those fuzzy, furry, creatures. Anyone born after 1973 has a contrasting appreciation of Ewoks since they were most likely still young when they first saw ROTJ (see Figure 1).
Figure 1: The Ewok Line
Enter: The Episode I Line
Based on Figure 2, it is clearly evident that a similar event occurs with Star Wars: Episode I; but the line occurs around the year 1987. This is the Episode I line. Thus, everyone who was born before 1987 thought that Jar Jar Binks, Podracing, and Anakin were all stupid.
Figure 2: The Episode I Line
Anyone born after 1987 has no idea that Jar Jar Binks is hated more than Osama Bin Laden, and that Jake Lloyd’s acting was less than stellar (a quick IMDB search confirms that Lloyd never did have a knack for acting).
My First Time
When I first saw Episode I, I was 10 years old. For the next 2 years, all I could think about was podracing and building a double sided lightsaber. It beat sports. It beat toys. It beat my family. I didn’t have to care. I just had to be a Jedi.
The Other Kids
For two consecutive summers, I worked as a day camp counselor with kids aged 4 to 13. Each week was a different theme for the camp.
One of those weeks was Star Wars. Since I was in charge of this one, I made sure that the kids had a killer time. We did all the things that I wish I could have done when I was their age (around 10 years old).
I taught them how to make freakin’ lightsabers out of PVC and foam (and yes, every day, we had battles, and I taught them a few sword fighting techniques). At the end of the week, I told the kids we could watch one of the Star Wars Movies on the big screen. We had a vote, and they all chose Episode I, the Phantom Menace. I shit you not.
I instantly knew that they were all part of my secret club. Like me, I know they’re not embarrassed; they just want to keep the secret going.
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